How can we go from a week full of amazing episodes to one of the worst Big Brother episodes of all time? Last week’s episodes were so great because they highlighted everything that’s fun about the show: over the top characters acting like dumb competitions are life or death, paranoia creating chaos, and editing that illustrates how ridiculous these people can be. Even with the bafflingly stupid decision to keep habitual competition loser Julia over showmance paired comp beast Liz, the episodes were still fun and well produced.
But this episode sucked all of the fun out of Big Brother in so many ways. Here are the low-lights of the episode:
Pointless Endurance and Bad Puns
This HOH competition is one that should be retired forever. It consists of moving fragile eggs through a chicken wire maze above their heads. The risks of this endurance are dropping eggs and arms getting tired. Definitely not worth taking up 15 minutes of the episode. Endurance competitions like this are pointless because there’s no opportunity to make deals. It’s not the type of competition where anything can happen. Vanessa starts out in the lead and ends up winning.
The most fun they try to have with this competition is an egg dropping montage with dopey music in the background. Steve is forced to wear a leprechaun costume and spit out cheesy filler lines like “A lot of gold under THIS rainbow” and “This is quite the EGGciting line up.” Lines like these don’t sound natural coming out of anyone’s mouth. Only Johnny Mac could deliver a horrible dad joke like that with any sort of humor.
Please, Big Brother producers, never make us endure this particular HOH competition ever again. (Fun fact: Vanessa look alike BB15’s Gina Marie won this one too. If you’re blonde and loco, this HOH is for you.)
Vanessa’s Pathological Need for Justification
On paper, Vanessa should be the best contestant of all time. She’s an amazing competitor, with four HOH wins and two vetos. She’s only been on the block once and she managed to talk her way out of being the target. (Although, that can be chalked up to Jackie, Meg, and James’s utter stupidity.) She’s been in the middle of every single power alliance in the house, from Sixth Sense to Austin’s Angels. She even got Johnny Mac to go from being gung-ho about getting her out to being an ally. (Although, this can also be chalked up to Johnny Mac being utterly clueless.)
On top of her obvious virtues as a game player, she’s also a huge character. Vanessa’s paranoia rears its ugly head every time she’s in power or her ally is in power or somebody looks at her sideways or she sees imaginary signs in her Cheerios. However, she’s not an entertaining character the way that someone like Rachel Reilly is. She doesn’t own up to any of her game moves to the point of actual delusion. She plays the perpetual victim. And worst of all, nobody has the spine to call her out on it. Not to her face anyway. The most blatant example in the episode is the fact that she forgot her conversation with Johnny Mac and uses it against him. She told him—as confirmed by flashbacks—to make a deal with Austin to put up Vanessa and Steve. John reminds Vanessa and she argues that she would never do that, it wouldn’t make any sense, etc. etc. You could argue that Vanessa has had so many conversations and deals that she literally can’t remember them all. But she’s so adamant that a move she actually made wouldn’t make any sense. Of course, nothing Vanessa does makes any sense, but she refuses to own up to any of it. That’s what makes her need for “justification” so frustrating. She desperately doesn’t want “blood on her hands” but this is final 5. She doesn’t need any of her Reasons to put somebody on the block. All she needs to do is say “I’m putting you up because it’s best for my game.” But Vanessa wouldn’t be Vanessa if she could just own up to her madness. Instead, she has to make everybody suffer before nominations. She goes from person to person, asking who they’d put on the block, what they’ve heard, etc. even though she knows what the answer is. She’s near the end with two pairs, of course they’re going to put up the opposite pair with her as a possible replacement. That’s how she designed things, so why is she so surprised that it’s ended like this?
Targeting Johnny Mac
You can almost see Vanessa’s logic. She feels comfortable enough with her competition prowess that she’s not worried about winning her way to the end. But since she can’t play HOH next week, she either has to win veto or count on somebody to not vote her out next week. If Johnny Mac is gone next week, Austin and Liz would vote out Steve and Steve would vote out one-half of a couple. But if she’s sitting on the block next to somebody who has lost every single HOH competition, been evicted and made no significant game moves, she’d be the logical person to vote out. HOWEVER, keeping a couple in the house at final 4 is so bafflingly stupid that it’s almost more logical to assume that Vanessa is a cartoon character created to waste our entire summer. The same reason she wants John out (because he’s more tempting to sit next to in the finals) is the same reason she should keep him. He’s less of a threat to her in competitions and for some reason (his stupidity) he actually wants to sit with her in final 2. Literally nobody else wants that. But this is the season of making dumb moves, so it’s right on brand with the rest of BB17.
The BB Alum from the Depths of Hell
Who else would rather sit through an entire season of the horrible Battle of the Block again if it meant never having to see Frankie Grande on our screens again? Liz wins a luxury trip out of the house, but it’s absolutely torturous for the viewer. There’s absolutely no entertainment value in seeing Frankie strut around the house, throwing glitter and constantly posing and smirking as if it’s literally painful for him to act like a real human being for even a minute of his life. In theme with the former Takeover Twist, the outing is a giant commercial for Ariana Grande aka the only reason Frankie exists in our memories. Guys, did you know that she’s got a fragrance coming out? She’s sooooo good at pretending she knows who Liz and Vanessa are!!!!! She’s so loveable and won’t lick your donuts, promise! Part of the luxury is for Liz and her guest, Vanessa, to get makeovers by the only people in America apparently willing to admit that they help Frankie look the way that he does. They do an absolutely horrific job on the girls, as well. Liz looks like a dowdy “Let Me Talk to the Manager” mom and Vanessa wears a $10 Party City purple wig. The only entertaining part of the segment is seeing how unenthusiastic Austin and John are to see the pink haired menace. Steve, however, is very excited to see Frankie because his life choices are just as bad as his game ones.
Quotes:
John, winning best out of context quote of the season: “I want a golden goose, Daddy.”
Austin: “As usual Liz adds pressure to my already pressurized game situation”
Liz, in what hopefully isn’t a reference to Vanessa’s lesbianism: “She likes girls. I’m a girl. I hope she still likes me.”
Austin: “I’ve been dealing with Vanessa’s paranoia all summer long. When Vanessa’s paranoid, she knows how to interrogate everyone.” Steve, to himself “They’re talking in there! Don’t go in there!”
Vanessa: “I don’t believe I have an alliance with Johnny Mac.” That sums up her methods pretty well.
Frankie: “Who wants to shine bright like a Frankie?” Nobody!
Vanessa, losing the last shred of her sanity: “As a huge Frankie fan…….”
After Vanessa calls John and Steve a couple, John: “The last that I recall, I’ve never made out with Steve”
John, with the best quote of BB17: “The only psychology that works on Vanessa is reverse, reverse, reverse, reverse, reverse psychology.”
I agree worst episode but then again worst players of all times..
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